Melt Down (and 24 week appointment)

I officially had my first pregnancy melt down last Monday.  I'm actually surprised that it hadn't happened earlier!  Here I was thinking that I was feeling and acting all normal and not that crazy pregnant lady that I'd read so much about.  But pack in a drs appointment, a meeting with our financial planner, and a way too long day in Bozeman and that's what you get!

Monday was Columbus Day and as Neil said, "Only government jobs and CIEE have Columbus Day off."  So since most businesses were still open I figured it would be a great day to schedule my 24 week appointment at 9:15, a financial appointment at 11 and a dentist appointment at 2.  That would give Neil and me plenty of time to leisurely look at some baby furniture, for me to buy some new tennis shoes for walking (and avoiding shin splints), and for us to have a nice lunch together.  Boy was I wrong!

We got to the hospital at 9:15 and after a few minutes went in for our 2nd ultrasound so they could hopefully get better pictures of our baby's heart and the cord insertion into the placenta.  This baby girl (yes, they confirmed that she's a girl!) had her head down to the lower right and bum up in the upper left with her legs straight up in front of her body and head, which did not make it easy for the ultrasound tech to see her chest and heart.  They were able to get pictures of the cord insertion and then had me empty my bladder to see if that would help her move around.  Luckily it did and they took several more pictures of her heart and different ventricles, etc.  Although it was fun to see her again, this ultrasound tech was not very talkative and so there was a lot of silence as she did her work and Neil and I stared at the screen not really knowing what we were looking at.  I could feel Neil tensely squeezing my hand and getting a more and more nervous look on his face throughout the whole thing.  Later he said, "I don't know if I like that very much.  I don't know what normal looks like and her head looked awfully big", and so on.  I assured him that it was normal for them to have a big head and that we'll just ask the midwife when she gets the ultrasound results.

The ultrasound process took longer than expected, so we didn't get in to see the midwife until after 10 at some point.  We've been seeing the one midwife, Lori, so far and this was our first appointment with the second midwife, Cassie, who had recently been hired to work with Lori.  It will be a 50/50 chance on who will be on call when we deliver.  We immediately loved Cassie!  She was so laid back, said all of our ultrasound results were normal, and just had such a friendly and open personality.  I had my list of questions and at one point she said jokingly, "Maybe you shouldn't read quite so much."  She's right, I should just relax and take a deep breath.  My belly measured exactly 24 centimeters, baby's heartbeat was good, I had gained 2 lbs since the last visit, and my blood pressure was 110/80.  She said everything was perfectly normal!  We also asked ideally how it will work when I do start having contractions or going into labor.  It was nice to go over the process of where to call at what time of day and she said that once I'm in active labor she or Lori will be there with me the entire time.  Hopefully that doesn't come into play for at least another 13 weeks though!  My next appointment will be in 4 weeks (28 weeks along) and I will do the diabetes screening at that visit.

Suddenly I looked at the time and it was 11 and time for our financial appointment!  So we rushed out of there and ended up being a few minutes late.  It was a great discussion with Christie, who has done our taxes the last few years, about how tax stuff will change having a baby and she gave us some suggestions on what we could be doing now to prepare.  All in all it was good, but she did bring up some more nerve wracking points about the average cost of a baby per month and day care, etc.  One fun thing was that she just had a baby 8 months ago, so we chatted about that and she said next time I'm coming to Bozeman let her know and she has a ton of baby clothes and things she can give me.  It was good and I was still feeling good.

We didn't leave there until almost 1 and by that point I was starving.  Neil and I went to a nearby cafe for sandwiches and what had to be some of the slowest service ever.  We talked about our budget and Neil was getting more and more anxious about the cost of everything.  By 1:45 we were on our way to pick up the second car getting an oil change so I could rush to the dentist appointment at 2.  At some point during our conversation Neil said something about really not wanting to think of her (our baby) as just a suck on our money and time.  Well, sorry to tell you, buddy, but that is exactly what she is going to be.  As I drove to the dentist, Neil went off to Home Depot to buy a laundry list of supplies for the wood stove installation.

As I was lying there getting my teeth cleaned, I was stewing more and more about the hectic and rushed morning, all of the information from our appointments, and that I still hadn't gotten any of the other things done that I wanted to.  The dentist came to check my teeth (and to tell me that I still have the 2 cavities I had last time, plus one more, and that I still need a crown, but that we'll wait until after delivery to fix everything) and he asked about the baby.  He said, "Oh, girl's are great!  I have two, one is 2 and one 4.  They're so...fun."  I started thinking that he was just saying that to be nice and oh, no, this is all going to be terrible.  What if Neil and I don't love her?!  How are we going to make it work with money?!  Neil is going to always be angry and stressed about money and this is going to be really bad.

I was fighting back tears as I left the dentist's office.  It was already 3pm and I still needed to go to Costco, Target and get groceries before the hour drive home.  I had told my old high school friend, Jeni, who randomly lives in Bozeman now and has a 2 year old and a 4 week old that I would stop by around 3:30 for a visit.  That obviously wasn't going to happen.  I texted that it would be closer to 5.  By this point I'm sitting in my car, feeling really sorry for myself, and sobbing into Subway napkins from my glove compartment.  So I decided to call my mom.  She laughed at me and my hormones, but also asked all about the details of the appointments that morning and said a lot of comforting things.  She told me to go do something fun before running the rest of the errands, so I decided to go buy the new tennis shoes I needed to get.  It was 3:30 by then and I felt like I was wasting time, but I was glad I took some time to chat with her.

I was still crying when I got to the library to drop off the book on tape, so I called Neil to let him know how I was feeling.  He knew the perfect things to say and that we are going to love her sooo much and that everything will work out.  Whew, I think the tears finally stopped then.  Of course then I had cried off all of my make up and had an extremely puffy and red face to go around Bozeman with.  Neil said he knew I looked great, even though he couldn't see me.  The poor college boy who helped me with trying on tennis shoes asked, "So, how's your day going?"  And I told him it had been a bit stressful while plastering a big smile on my face and opening my eyes wide.  At least they had the new model of my old shoe and I was in and out of there in about 10 minutes.

I finally got to Jeni's house around 5:30 and for about 45 minutes snuggled her adorable, sleeping baby boy and laughed at her crazy 2 year old girl, who at one point when we were all chatting came down the hallway with her hands covered in some sort of white cream.  Her dad immediately jumped up and went to investigate what she had gotten into.  The baby grunted and snuggled in my arms and on my chest and I was overwhelmed with how excited I am to have my own baby do those things with.  Jeni reassured me that it is so much better once they join you on the outside world.

Here's the 24 week ultrasound picture of our sweet girl.  My dad said in the 12 week photo she looked like me and now in the 24 week photo she looks like Neil.  It is weird that I think she looks eerily similar to Homer Simpson?!