Telling our employers

This week we told our employers that we are expecting a baby.  I was really nervous to do this, for both Neil and I, because Neil's employer is technically our neighbor and good friend, Troy.  I didn't know if Troy would approach it from a professional or personal standpoint.  While I knew he would be happy for us as a friend, I wondered if he would really be thinking about how much of a pain it will be for Neil to have a baby born in the middle of the busy winter season.  Normally in the middle of the winter wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is a much bigger deal when you work at a ski resort.  Of course we don't know what exactly will happen and when this baby will come, but luckily mid to late January and early February are usually a bit slower for the resort. 

Of course Neil told me that he was having his performance review with Troy last Friday and that he was going to tell him, so when he got home that evening I was dying to know how it went!  Neil said, "He was like, 'Cool'."  And then Neil added that he asked how much time he is going to need to take off in January.  I was like, "That's it?!"  Doesn't sound like he's really happy for us or anything.  Of course, I'm sure this is just Neil's telling of the story that makes it sound like it's not really a big deal and not the fact that Troy isn't happy for us.  Even if Troy said, "Wow, congratulations!  That's awesome!" Neil probably would have just told me that he said, "Cool."  Sheesh...guys.

Then today I had my weekly meeting with my manager, Jillian.  I had decided pretty early on that this would be the best week to tell her for a couple reasons.  One being that on Monday she is arriving into Bozeman and we are spending the week visiting students in Big Sky and the Glacier National Park area.  After hiding it from her for our week in Alaska I knew I wasn't going to be able to do that for another week of traveling and driving for hours in the car together.  And secondly, I figured I would be in the second trimester (15 weeks today!) and hopefully would have had a positive ultrasound and a couple doctor's visits under my belt.

I was still really nervous as I picked up the phone for our call today though.  Jillian and I have a great relationship (one of the best working relationships I could ask for really!) and I pretty much tell her everything.  Not only had I lied to her when we were in Alaska saying that I was taking antibiotics that I couldn't mix with alcohol (what else was I supposed to tell her when we were going to be having fancy dinners with bottles of wine every night with our employer partners?!), but I feel like there is a stigma with this job and position that once you have a baby you can't do the job anymore and I was afraid that she would feel like that.  It doesn't help that she is about 6 months older than me and in a completely different place in her life being single with no kids and in the dating world.

So at the end of the conversation after I had gone over my list of questions I had from the last few days and we discussed the plan for our travels next week, I said, "So, I do have one more thing.  You know when we were in Alaska?  Well, I wasn't taking antibiotics at all."  Right away she said in an understanding tone, "I know, Anna."  I proceeded to tell her that then I had been 9 weeks along and was 15 weeks now and she laughed at me saying she kind of figured that might have been the case after thinking about it later.  She was genuinely happy for Neil and me and said that even though she's told me this before, she really believes that we are two people who should have kids and that we will be wonderful parents.  She asked how I had been feeling and we laughed when I told her how I had been especially nauseous when in Denali we were in this hot, stuffy office having a housekeeping manager go on and on about the good and bad about his students.  I had been thinking to myself that if I had really needed to throw up that I would just have to excuse myself and run out the door.  Luckily that didn't happen!  I asked if she realized I had ordered rolls with all cooked fish in them when we went out to sushi and she said she thought about it later and even looked up the menu from the restaurant online!  So we had some good laughs and she reiterated how happy and excited she is for us. 

Part of me felt like of course she had to say that as my employer and so I don't file some lawsuit against them for treating me poorly or something (like I would do that anyways), but on the other hand I know she was genuine.  She also said that while we're together next week we can discuss options and that I could come up with a proposal of some sort about my time off and what will work best, etc.  So that will be nice.  Additionally she understood where I was coming from having had a miscarriage before and that it wasn't a lie that I had told her, but that it is a very personal thing and that I did the right thing.  But she was happy I told her.

A few minutes after I got off the phone with Jillian, my phone beeped and I had gotten a text from Beth, one of the department managers and Jillian's boss.  Beth also is a few years older than me with no kids and is getting married later this summer.  Jillian had told me she was going to tell Beth and find out about what she needed to do telling HR, etc., but that it was up to me on telling the other people on our team when I want to.  Beth's text said, "Jillian just told me your exciting news!!  I'm SO excited for you!"  I told her thanks and that it is both exciting and scary at the same time.  She wrote back, "I definitely understand that!  You're going to be an awesome mom - you're kind and sympathetic, but you know your boundaries.  You'll be great!"  I wrote back, "Thanks Beth.  Definitely a new chapter in life and I just don't want to let anyone down, especially work-wise.  I know things will work out though."  And then this was really great to hear from her.  She said, "Oh please - you won't let us down!  I'm not worried in the least and don't want you to worry either!  I know you work a lot now and you may need to adjust that down, but that's ok.  Family first!"  I said, "Thanks, I'll work on not worrying. :)"

In any case, it was nice to have support from both of them and I do know that things will work out for the best however they do work out, whether I go back to work after maternity leave and work full time or go back part time or decide to do something else or whatever.

Whew!  I'm sure glad that is over with!  That is a big weight off my shoulders.  Just having people know and not feeling like I'm hiding something is such a relief.